I am embarrassed by the state of my house. I have never been a great housekeeper. It's not for lack of know-how. It's just plain laziness. It's hard to feel useful when your job is just to keep your house nice. Makes me wonder why I bothered with a college degree.
But I know better. My worth, my value lies solely on my God, my Savior. My head knows that. It's taking time to reach my heart. My mind knows what the word of God says, but the enemy knows my weakness. He knows I struggle with feeling worthy of what Jesus has done for me. You know what? He's right. I'm not worthy. If I were, I wouldn't need Jesus, now would I? Just as my children can't do anything to earn my love, I just love them, I can't do anything to earn God's love. He just loves me.
Funny, I started this post as a housekeeping thought.
I'm going to stick with the detour, though. Because I can't wrap my brain around the depth of God's love and that love put into action through Jesus, I struggle with thoughts about how I could even be saved. I doubt myself sometimes - am I playing or do I really believe? Then I pray. I pray for God to draw me nearer to Him. I pray that He will continue to change me. I know He is working in my heart. And I rely on my little mustard-seed of faith that I am His. You see, I accepted Him when I was 6 years old. I remember that day and I know that I meant it. But then I didn't grow. I didn't know that I needed to do anything else (not that further actions are needed for salvation, but for spiritual growth). And as I got older, I was intimidated by the Bible. I just didn't understand it. I didn't get how people understood what it said. Then I met and married my husband. He grew up Catholic and I grew up in the Baptist church. We have the same basic beliefs (or I couldn't have married him). So we spent years avoiding church or trying every denomination in sight. Honestly, I was afraid that it would be a permanent wedge between us.
Then my husband and I found a wonderful church...a church that teaches the Bible. A church that both my husband and I loved. And I got plugged in. I found some terrific ladies' Bible studies, including a precept class - 1 Thessalonians. I knew nothing about this book. It wasn't one of the "major" ones after all. But WOW! I am hooked on precept classes now. I am learning how to read and understand for myself (with the teaching of the Holy Spirit). After 1 Thessalonians was 2 Thessalonians. Now we are in the 2nd part of Revelation. And I'm doing Isaiah. The continuity of His Word is so completely reassuring.
Thank you Lord for my little faith. Please grow it and bring me closer to You. Show me the way. Let me be a light for You.
Well, this post certainly took a detour! The 15 minutes at a time was going to relate on how I'm finding my house again. But I think it can equally apply to how I'm finding my worth again. So as I set my timer for 15 minutes once or twice an hour, I'll remember that the baby steps on my house are similar to spiritual baby steps.
